absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
