my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
