I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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