so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
