You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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