Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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