we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
