Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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