OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
