my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The power of my boobs compel you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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