i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
