I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
