It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
