Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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