I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
