Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
