Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
