My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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