I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
