apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
