The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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