I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
