Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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