you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
