But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I need help removing her.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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