Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
