Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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