Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
