shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
