Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.

Fav 25 6004 1008
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.

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(443): View more from Maryland

i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

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(937): View more from Ohio

[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Ask politely.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Thats good enough.

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(303): View more from Colorado

He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.

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(641): View more from Iowa

Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank

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(310): View more from California

Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor

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