Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
