Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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