The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
