I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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