I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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