And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
