I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize