Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
