My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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