There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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