It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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