birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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