he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
