Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
