i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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