is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Less talking, more tequila
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
