Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
