Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?

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(248): View more from Michigan

Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.

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(305): View more from Florida

You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.

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(903): View more from Texas

omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..

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(201): View more from New Jersey

This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand

(248): View more from Michigan

Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo

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