thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
