You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
